The longest living human beings are women on Okinawa–a tropical island off of Japan. They eat a lot of local seafood and sea vegetable (nori, Kambu, etc). They laugh a lot. But all of them claimed their belonging to a group of friends was the most important aspect of their lives.
It’s ironic that as young teens we orient to friends at any cost. Breaking curfews, begging for more time with friends, skipping responsibilities in order to just hang out with friends….
And our culture forces us to focus on personal interests and careers and self survival for the next 60 years….
And finally…if we’re damn lucky…we can once again return to our friend groups….prioritizing hanging out together…fulfilling an obviously central experience to human well being.
Sigh. Pack animals. Monkeys. She who laughs last, laughs loudest say the Okinawains. 👭👭👭
My wish for all young women and mothers and ageing women – is friendship packs.
If you’re an introvert or struggle with group anxiety, join a women’s group on any topic. Group connections are facilitated and you can relax and enjoy the process.
FIVE months later, we completed the bulk of big projects by the end of November. We mopped Bona Traffic sealer on the plank fir flooring, as we backed our way out the front door–headed to a Thanksgiving getaway weekend.
We’re deeply, deeply tired. But have managed to complete six remodel projects: bump outs for our new living room and wood burning fireplace, converting a bedroom to an entryway, designing a new staircase, and creating a dormer for the upstairs bathroom, with subway tiled shower and clawfoot tub for our aching bods.
The holidays came and we had our first roaring fires and gathered our families and friends and neighbors and new remodel buddies –in for food and rest and reflection. Very cozy.
We’re exhausted but satisfied. There a dozens of smaller projects left. Those could take another year, bit by bit. For now, we need our daily lives back. Our painting, our music, our social lives, our quiet time. Our weekends.
Now it’s April. Our Winter rest felt so good. My new focus is the conversion of the garage to a dream art studio- where friends and community can come enjoy art making together!
Yep, the month of May 2017 will most likely go down as the most intense month of my life. I’ve had some jam-packed phases in life, where lots of projects and gatherings overlap. But I’ve never packed up an entire house for a move, and simultaneously designed and remodeled another, and then went to my office as usual. Did I mention hot flashing and sleep-deprived? Like shoveling your life through the eye of a needle.
But now we’re moved. And we intentionally made our load much lighter. Ten days ago, with help unloading our belongings off to Goodwill, the dump, and to friends–and then and only then to our new digs. We completed the move away from the giant modern, and crammed nearly all of our belongings into the garage of our sweet little farmhouse.
“Heaven on earth” I thought to myself, disoriented as I am, as I stood on my porch overlooking my new front yard–which is a consists of tall grass and forest. It was a very warm day, and the bright sun lit up the whole scene like a glowing postcard. These are precious moments, where the deep satisfaction of solving life dream puzzles and building something big, makes my soul sigh.
The true pleasure of doing our own work, with our own hands has begun.
But it ain’t all sunshine and roses. The kitchen remodel began one month before we moved in. And, while the kitchen design thrills me, there have been some crazy obstacles to the actual structural changes to the house along the way. For one thing, our contractor ditched us. And left us with a design that the engineer cannot figure out. So we still have no building permits as of today. The byzantine regulations of the 2017 Building Code, mixed with litigious anxiety of all county contractors–has added some troubles as well. Luckily, we have a new contractor, who’s an awesome force of creativity, friendliness, and flexibility. He’s got the ball and he’s rolling. Eventually we’ll get those permits. And, with no actual looming deadlines, we have the luxury of taking each thing in stride and working through it, one call, one design element, and one room at a time.
Here’s a series of pictures where we begin transforming the 1980’s apartment-style kitchen, into a farm style kitchen, complete with wainscoting, shiplap and open shelving:
Yes, I miss my easel and painting portraits, but transforming the kitchen island has been a creative blast! We bought a second-hand solid wood dresser with a french twist–to which we added gorgeous turned legs, wainscoting, and shelves:
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed perusing other Pinterest DIY’rs and completing the wood cutting and wood working details with my own tablesaw and chopsaw. I found these tiny brads for puzzling the wood trimming together, and didn’t need to pre-drill. You can see how hodgepodge the island looks with various used lumber from the ReStore. But don’t worry! It will all come together with Halcyon Green and wax…..
I was especially happy with the shelves we added on the end of the island. I love the little filagree piece I purchased almost 20 years ago on our Donovan house renovation. I never found a place for it, and its been carted around, waiting for its perfect home on this island. Maison heureuse.
Here are some other kitchen renovations from the first phase:
*Removing the dated tile and fluorescent lighting
*Removing, sanding, chalk-painting, and waxing the melamine cabinetry
*adding warmth with wood trimmings everywhere
*adding pulls & knobs that match our design
*agonizing over paint colors for the cabinets and island (final choice: SW Pure White & SW Halcyon Green)
*Upgrading to shiplap walls, with 6″ pieces of plywood- of course I’d love to do every project on my own, but because of our sudden move-in date, we needed to gallop through this first phase of the kitchen renovation. Here’s our pals Alejandro and Alex helping us to hang the shiplap:
Renovation can be an expensive and complex affair, but like the remodel on our Donovan home (adding a second story) in 1999, we are making a big effort to cut the cost of labor and material waste involved in this project. The most obvious cost-saving measure available for homeowners is of course doing most of the work ourselves. “In Mr. Money Mustache terms: if you want to become a bassass, you have to enjoy the hard work of your own projects. “Easier said than done”, is a common refrain among the intimidated, but “It’s much more fun than it sounds” is what those of us in the know say in response. Especially those of us who were raised by total “do-it-yourselfers” like my dad. Hopefully, I have a good handle on most of the basics of building from past experience, but in a project this large, there will be tons to learn.
DIY projects thus far:
bought one new farm home without a realtor;
SOLD one large modern home without a realtor;
moved house on our own (with much help from CL);
began remodel on farm house kitchen;
As you know from my last remodel update, we’re frugal builders over here, recycling materials and buying supplies through second-hand vendors as much as possible. So, another challenge is the odd feeling of suddenly becoming one of the biggest consumers in town. Almost every day we have to buy stuff. Tools, materials, and trimmings are needed in abundance for a project like this, and so we’ve spent about $3,000 in one month on the kitchen. 50% of this is labor costs. Wah. But deadlines were real and we had to splurge.
But that’s the tip of the ice berg. We’ll be spending a whole lot more money when we start bumping the living room walls out and adding the wood burning fireplace. Luckily, since we had to dismantle my son’s huge climbing wall in the other house before we moved, we suddenly have a ton of excellent, reusable 2×4’s and sheeting. However, when we start seeing the trucks and forklifts, steel and wood, cardboard and plastic wrap, I’m sure we be squarely faced with the fact that we are chewing up a huge share of our own planet just to build ourselves a dwelling.
Check back for more updates on the Wheatstone Farm!
We are multi-tasking at a whippet’s rate. Super fast decision making on packing and moving out of one house, while super fast decision making on remodeling choices for the house we’re moving into. Whoosh. Feels like a race. Good for the heart.
The remodel project is going extremely well so far, both when measured against the original schedule and budget, and when measured on the fun-o-meter. We’ve had a few design inspirations that should make for a more pleasurable, enjoyable experience for all of our friends and family. And you, if you come visit.
Our hope is to create a French Farmhouse Feel = f3. Why French? Did you know that the French (and many Europeans) would leave their city homes each April and go live in shabby country homes for the season? In their travel gear they brought decor elements from their city homes. They’d live and entertain in a clashing mixture of rugged and romantic accouterments. Goodwill meets Bon Marche. A great match for our working class and artistic lives. So, we’re creating a house that reflects our devotion to eating from the garden, raising a few farm animals, and being stewards of our land at the base of Galbraith mountain woods. We’re creating a house that reflects rustic warmth and earthy elements–and meets Laurel’s love of heirlooms, antiquity, and coziness.
Enough of history.
I’ll have lots more interesting photos soon. The work completed so far :
Removing some cabinets and replacing with old weathered wood beams;
Adding wainscoting to the ends of cabinets and to the inside of cabinet shelves:
Pulling a cabinet from the mudroom into the kitchen, and removing cabinet doors and hardware to create a 3-chamber open farmhouse cabinet;
Adding a bit of French elegance to the tops of square cabinets:
Covering melamine shelving with wood;
Sanding acrylic finish off of cabinets;
Painting with Abbey White chalk paint–to be antiqued with wax coating soon;
Dismantling a skinny island with no food prep space, and designing a hefty 4′ x 7′ island, with drawers, cup pulls, french flourishes and a beefy 2″ butcher block top for food prep;
Closing up a large, unusable closet space on one side–and opening it up on the other side–into our newly enlarged mudroom;
Projects coming up in June-July:
Bumping out 2 exterior walls by 5 feet and adding french doors;
Adding a wood burning fireplace;
Building a new dormer for a space-efficient European-style bathroom;
Creating a brand new entry way with wood and metal clad french doors;
Tearing down stairwell walls to create a more open feeling between the new entry way and living room.
I’ve got a few DIY articles in the works to document how some of these things were done, but I figured I should tell the renovation tale in chronological order, which starts with shopping for the materials needed to rebuild this house with charm and warmth.
When you do a home renovation project, the materials are a huge part of the cost – both to your wallet and to the Earth. A project like this requires windows, doors, plywood, studs, tiles, concrete, lighting and plumbing fixtures, and many other things.
The interesting thing about renovations, at least in Bellingham area where I live, is that people are always doing them. Middle-income couples buy 100-year-old fixer-upper homes and update them into comfortable and energy-efficient places to live. These days with the house market booming around here–the commercial buildings are always being bought, torn down, and remodeled by larger companies.
The result of all of this activity is a huge surplus of building materials. Extra tiles left over from someone who bought too much for his bathroom. Entire kitchen cabinet sets and windows and doors from older homes. Schools being remodeled. (A neighbor replaced his house flooring with the maple from a school gymnasium floor). Even unused beams and industrial-grade components from office construction projects. And of course various fixtures and parts of every type.
These things end up either on Craigslist in the “materials” section, on OfferUp, Facebook Marketplace, or in the recycled building materials store. There is one of these stores in Bellingham where I live, named the ReStore, who’s aisles look a little like this:
Howard and I, through virtual and real shopping, are out daily seeing what we can salvage for our project. Its been quite a score, since in just 10 days we’ve acquired:
Much weathered wood and hard wood for adding elegant flourishes to the kitchen cabinets- 20 cents a foot;
2 massive turned legs covered in fading orange paint for our kitchen island-$5/each (compared with $52 each at Lowes);
4 beautiful heavy-duty solid wood doors of various sizes for $30-60 (roughly comparable to a $150 each at at Home Depot)
A lovely, refinished french buffet from OfferUp, to create one side of our kitchen island- $185;
A barn door, that with some work will be a sliding door for our pantry- $5 (and some serious elbow grease getting off the building it was attached to);
2 miniature barnwood gable “sculptures” from the rafters of a 1900’s cabin- $5 (probably $100 each at an antique store);
The total spending on used supplies thus far about $340, for materials we need, that would have otherwise cost approx $2000. A savings of over $1640 bucks, just for embracing the idea of used rather than new materials, and knowing where to shop!
The limitation when buying your materials second-hand, is that you have to adapt your project to fit the materials, rather than custom-ordering the materials to fit your project. But that is where the joy of creativity comes in to play, so it is good practice for life in general.
For example, our skinny island with a raised bar and no surface area for food prep, needed to be doubled in size. This worked out well, after removing the raised bar and finding the buffet of our dreams to add to that “side” of the island. Unfortunately, the old island and the new buffet are 6 inches different in length. So today, one of our beloved remodelers and I designed the island to begin matching in length by adding turned legs, bumping out one end with wainscoting, and then adding shelves. There’ll be a big gap running down the middle which will be hidden by a thick butcherblock surface. Photos to come. Exciting! Innovative! Deeply satisfying.
Since the recycled building materials store runs on donated items, not everything there is suitable for use in a quality renovation. The windows and doors are surprisingly good, as are the tiles and toilets and some of the kitchen cabinets. But the appliances, lighting, and plumbing fixtures are usually things like green or almond-colored fridges and stoves or gaudy brass faucets. For these things, you simply move on to antique stores, OfferUp, FB Marketplace, or trusty CL.
But by getting some of the most expensive things from these alternative sources, you are really investing in fabulous frugality, and shaving thousands off your renovation project budget.
The roar of hammering and sawing has begun! The reshaping of the kitchen is underway! The reducing of our whale-size house and belongings–down to a respectful salmon-size, is practically levitating.
And, right in the middle of this ocean of movement…. comes a poem. A poem that has me rocking back and forth on a stair, in an empty house, in an evening sunbeam, crying. It gently strips away everything, back to a key ingredient for everyone I know–and especially the elderly and the teens I know and love. Love yourself. Love yourself. You only get one life, and its completely yours, for your own creative meandering. Embrace the whole agonizingly exquisite thing.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
“to make living itself an art, that is the goal”~henry miller *
When lifes in an easy groove, its satisfying to make ART out of life. But when I’m swirling in unexpected change, money fears, and legal contracts– art will come later. Or will it? Maybe my new house project is my art. Let me explain. We are moving. We are simultaneously buying a house to remodel, and selling a house –FSBO style–all at once. Its been a wild ride. There has been crying, hysteria, late nights, elation, and whiskey.
We’ve been searching for our forever home for 3 years now. The goals have been to radically downsize, enjoy our commute, get away from the freeway noise, remodel/design for maximum happiness, and have a mightily reduced mortgage when we’re all done. After a 3-year search, we finally found it. Well, we finally found the house the inspires the energies it will take to remodel it. And boy, do we have some renovations in store for it.
Doesn’t it look like the sweetest blue farm house in the woods? Here’s the catch: we are downsizing from a modern 3,400 square foot home with 4 bedrooms and 3 1/2 baths with a Frank Loyd Wright view–to a 1,500 square foot, 2 bedroom, 2 bath home–with an unfinished large garage and attic.
The original plan was to take 3-4 months planning things out and giving ourselves time to contemplate facing the implications of downsizing our living space by 1,500 square feet. Moreover, we are looking to reorient the efficiency of how we actually live. But then the big modern house we’re living in suddenly sold. One day we hosted an Open House, then next week we were in fast, personal negotiations with our buyer (more on FSBO later). My husband and I reassesed. We decided to be a bit more adventurous and just go for it: full-power renovations, starting as soon as possible.
So what are we doing?
This 2008 blue house is a textbook example of “tract house.” Every friend who walked through helping us decide, was, well, underwhelmed. No character, no charm, drinky living room and kitchen, low ceilings, fake flooring, Lowe’s finishings. Bleh.
However. Drum roll please. The location is heaven. The placement of the house is on a generous 2 acres in the woods. If you know Bellingham, our home sits at the base of the beloved Galbraith mountain in the Pacfic Northwest. There are miles and miles of wooded trails out our back door.
On the downside, the kitchen is annoying, there’s no space for a nice sized farm table for friends to gather around, there is no living room space, and there is no master bath, just a tragicomic room with a slanted ceiling over the shower. All the flooring is faux plastic wood with this creepy sheen to it. The front door is distinctly invisible, bizarrely located, and unused. The room over the garage is unfinished, unheated, and inaccessible–except for a tipsy ladder act. Crazy. The house was designed by a guy, and so the garage is huge and magnificent and was full of his motorcycles and cars. Here is a photo of the current South-west side:
The most obvious fix is to bump out the walls on two sides, giving us room for our farmhouse table, a living room to play music with our friends in, add a wood burning fire place to reduce heat consumption –and increase the happy coziness factor. We’ll remove the front door (locating it on the other side of the house where it belongs greeting people). This will allow us optimal light fixture placement, and room for two sets of french doors and a large Eastern facing window that will give us much light and heat for free – forever.
Upstairs, we’ll add a dormer, tear out the existing awkward shower, and install an efficient European-style enclosed space with clawfoot tub and shower head. Soaking in the tub, a large picture window will reveal tall firs to ponder. Next, a small dormer housing a doorway will connect the attic space (over the garage) into the house. Can we all say “cool guest bedroom” together?
After these most invasive parts of the renovation, everything else should be pretty simple: tearing out stairwell walls to open up the space, building a nice new island with a fat wood slab on top, and adding some farm charm finishes to the kitchen.
On the exterior, I have plans to move the 4 humungous garden boxes from the driveway–to the other side of the house near the kitchen where they belong. We’ll create pathways, fencing, gardens for increasing our grown food, and reducing our food budget.
One final–admittedly, the most exciting personal project for me–will be to remodel the garage into a large open, heated space for hosting personal artwork gatherings as well as music circles. So, the insulated garage needs a gas stove, french doors and windows, along with partition wall for a woodshop area. Outside the french doors, we plan to add a Pergola and vines to bring natural shade for outdoor living. I can already feel the warm breeze as I open the southern facing french doors of the art studio, and step under the Pergola to take a seat in the shade –and finally relax.
Our fabulous contractor has agreed to “rough in” all the engineered projects and get them through the permit process. He starts June 1. Then he’ll pack his tools and move on to many others who love his work. From there, we will roll up our sleeves, take back the projects, and become the badass do-it-yourselfers we aim to be. Searching for cheap materials is lifelong hobby. We’ve got several friends and my talented brother coming to contribute to the finishing. The end result of this big construction project should be a house that is ready for the next 100 years of its life, with a thoroughly personalized, bright and artistic new design and a fairly reduced level of energy consumption to go with it. Stay tuned for more updates as the project progresses.
Let’s face it, life is full of stuff for our nervous systems to chew on. Not always fun. Today, I need a break from all of the things my brain is subject to figuring out—I need a good laugh and some light hearted thinking. Let’s start with looking at pictures of people laughing. This will get our dopamine and serotonin chambers ignited. Then we’ll read something to complete the cognitive good vibe. Sound good? Take a savoring look at each photo for the full effect:
“The message I wish to import to the children goes something like this:
The world is a wonderfully weird place, consensual reality is significantly flawed, no institution can be trusted, certainty is a mirage, security a delusion, and the tyrant of the dull mind forever threatens– but our lives are not as limited as we think they are, all things are possible, laughter is holier than piety, freedom is sweeter than fame, and in the end its love and love alone that really matters.”
Express love to the best of your ability today. I’ll try too.
I recently saw this hashtag on Instagram and a photo that embodied it. Since then, I’ve been on a big kick to figure out what it means. Here’s a succinct, beautiful description:
“Most of us today are consumed with speed. We work quickly, play quickly, love quickly – all while multi-tasking. We drive in the fast lane and eat fast food. We text instead of talk, pursue quantity instead of quality, and swallow life whole instead of taking the time to savor it.
All this speed takes a toll. Our relationships suffer. Our productivity suffers. Our finances suffer. And our health, both mental and physical, suffers.
The antidote is to slow down. Yet with so much speed embedded in our DNA, slowing down can be a real challenge.
The very word has negative connotations. When we think of slow we typically think that someone is dumb, or that we are falling behind.
But in the context of how we live our lives, slow can save us.
Carl Honoré, whom the Huffington Post calls the godfather of the Slow movement, says, “the central tenet of the slow philosophy is taking the time to do things properly, and thereby enjoy them more.”
So slow isn’t dumb, it’s purposeful. And slow won’t cause you to fall behind, it will allow you to catch up – with your friends, your family, your digestive system.
A slow life restores balance. Some things we do want to do quickly, but not everything. Ride your bike. Take a walk. Hell, stay home.
In a slow life you will pursue mastery in your work. Gaining comprehensive knowledge and expert skill will become more meaningful than mindlessly climbing a ladder.
Likewise, your work will not define who you are. Granted it’s a significant part, but only a part. Your character is more important.
In a slow life you will gather with your friends and family and laugh, cry, hug, cheer, and simply be there for one another. You will listen as earnestly as you speak. Your relationships will come to mean more to you than your job.
In a slow life you will focus on food. You will value its cultivation and preparation as much as you relish the meal. When you think of food you will automatically think of friendship, rather than associate it with something fast.
In a slow life you will choose a home and a community that nurtures you and your lifestyle. Quality and comfort will become the touchstone of your physical surroundings.
In a slow life time will become circular, rather than linear. As opposed to a simple unit of measurement, the concept of time will expand for you as anxiety turns to joy.
A slow life is a simple – though it need not be a spartan – life. The quality of the “things” in your life will come to mean so much more than the quantity. Clutter means chaos.
A slow life is more healthy, more jubilant, and more compassionate. It is less stressful, less taxing, and less harmful.
A slow life is a better life.”
The central tenet of the slow philosophy is taking the time to do things properly, and thereby enjoy them more.